The huge user base of dating apps brings numerous choices, but also makes many people fall into the dilemma of “choice anxiety”. Swiping a large number of matches every day, chatting with several people at the same time, but finally find that no one is really suitable for them. Blindly expanding the number of matches wastes a lot of time and energy, and also makes you unable to focus on in-depth understanding. Effective screening of matches is a necessary skill for online dating. Clarify your own needs, formulate screening standards, and judge the compatibility of the other party from multiple dimensions such as profile, chat content and life attitude. Only in this way can we filter out impetuous and inappropriate contacts and find like-minded partners efficiently.
Before starting to screen others, you must first complete self-screening and clarify your core needs and bottom lines. Many people do not know what kind of partner they want, so they swipe right casually when seeing attractive photos. The first step of effective screening is to sort out your own mate selection standards, which are divided into three levels: hard bottom lines, core needs and preferred advantages. Hard bottom lines are the uncompromising conditions, such as view on marriage, lifestyle, whether to accept long-distance relationships and life habits that you cannot tolerate. Once the other party touches the bottom line, eliminate them directly, do not hold the idea of “trying to change the other party”. Core needs are the essential conditions for getting along happily, such as similar hobbies, consistent pace of life and matching personality. Preferred advantages are additional bonus items, such as tall figure, humorous personality and versatile skills. Do not take preferred advantages as rigid standards, so as to avoid missing suitable people because of excessive pursuit of perfection. Write down these standards clearly and take them as the basis for screening matches.
The second level of screening is to judge through the other party’s profile, which is the most efficient primary screening. A profile is a concentrated display of a person’s life, personality and dating attitude. First observe the photos: if all the photos are overly sexy, exaggerated or full of entertainment scenes all day long, it means their life style is noisy, which may not be suitable for people who like a quiet life. If the photos are all work scenes and there is no life content, they may devote too much energy to work and lack time for emotional communication. Then read the bio carefully: empty bios, bios full of negative complaints and bios with ambiguous dating purposes can be eliminated directly. If the content of the bio is specific, the attitude is sincere, and the hobbies and life views are similar to yours, you can retain such matches and prepare for further communication. In addition, pay attention to the platform labels and active status: users who have not been active for a long time are basically inactive, and there is no need to waste time on them.
The third level of screening is in-depth judgment through one-on-one chat communication, which is the core link to verify compatibility. Primary screening with profiles can only screen out obvious inappropriate people, and the real personality, communication way and three views need to be understood through chatting. First, observe their communication attitude: whether they are polite and respectful, whether they are perfunctory to your sharing, and whether they only talk about themselves and ignore your feelings. A person with poor communication manners is difficult to get along with for a long time. Second, judge the consistency of three views by discussing life, emotion and social topics. When talking about travel, consumption, view on marriage and family, if the two sides have huge differences and no one can understand each other, it means the three views do not match. Even if there is temporary goodwill, conflicts will continue in the future. Third, identify dating purposes: some people only pursue casual interactions, while you are looking for a serious relationship. You can subtly understand their expectations for online dating through chat. If the other party repeatedly puts forward excessive intimate requirements, avoids talking about long-term plans, and is eager to develop the relationship rapidly, their purposes are impure, so stop the contact in time.
In the process of chatting with multiple matches at the same time, learn to allocate energy reasonably and avoid scattered attention. It is not recommended to chat with more than 3 matches in depth at the same time. Too many chat objects will make you unable to respond carefully, and also confuse the characteristics of each person. After primary screening, select 2 to 3 most compatible matches for in-depth communication. After a period of understanding, eliminate the people whose personality and three views do not match, and focus on the most suitable one for continuous development.
At the same time, avoid two extreme screening mistakes: overly harsh standards and overly casual screening. Overly harsh standards mean setting perfect requirements for the other party, demanding that all conditions meet expectations, which will make you miss many sincere and good people. No one is perfect, and appropriate tolerance for minor advantages and disadvantages is the premise of getting along. Overly casual screening is ignoring the bottom lines and contacting everyone who takes the initiative to chat. This will lead to a mixed circle of contacts, increasing the probability of encountering bad people and wasting time. Effective screening is not picky, but responsible for your own emotional needs. From clarifying self-needs, primary screening with profiles, to in-depth screening with chats, layer by layer to filter matches. On the crowded dating apps, abandon the impulsive swiping mode, screen rationally and focus on communication. Gradually, you will remove the interference of trivial people and meet the like-minded person who is truly suitable for walking with you.
